The Cost of Freedom

Background info: The Boy recently became a homeowner. His goal was to rent it out by February 1 (look, February is flying by) but now he's trying to see if he can manage a mortgage and rent for his current apartment (he lives in SF and his house is in SAC). On top of the mortgage is utitilities, water and garbage for both places. Plus, a bunch of other things he NEEDS to purchase for his house (i.e. window coverings!).

If the Boy can't manage all of the above, he has these options to lessen some of his financial burden:

1. Screw Grandma on the rent (yep, his granny is his landlady in SF). Okay, first screw her by paying rent on the 15th instead of the 1st of the month. Then screw her by not paying rent at all but still living there. Poor Grandma...

2. Move in with the wonderful girlfriend (ME!!) who generously offered to house the Boy at her apartment for FREE. This way he doesn't screw granny on the rent because she can rent out his room to another relative or someone else. And he doesn't have to pay rent in SF!

3. Suck it up and let strangers move into his beautiful home in SAC so he can afford the mortgage.

So my friend (Q) and I were taking bets to see which option the Boy would go for first. Said friend thinks he'll follow in the order above: make granny poor, feel guilty about it then move in with me before allowing renters into his new home. I said he'd screw granny then rent out the house before he ever decides to move in with me.

Okay, this is all hypothetical and all, so we really wouldn't know what happens until it happens. However, when I told the Boy of our conversation regarding his options, this is what the Boy said he would do:

1. Screw Grandma on the rent.
2. Beg on the streets.
3. Rob a bank.
4. Prostitute himself.
5. Sell drugs.
6. Find renters.

Notice how the option of moving in with me isn't in there. Why, you ask? Here's the Boy's explanation: "Nothing is for free. I'd have to put up with your constant nagging about keeping the place clean and Jelly Belly meowing all night because I don't want her to sleep on the bed. That's too costly for me to be able to have free rent."

Me nag about cleanliness? Who was Evil Mr. Clean? And my friends wonder why I'm not married yet.