Cat Haiku

The food in my bowl

Is old, and more to the point

Contains no tuna.

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So you want to play.

Will I claw at dancing string?

Your ankle's closer.

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There's no dignity

In being sick - which is why

I don't tell you where.

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Seeking solitude

I am locked in the closet.

For once I need you.

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Tiny can, dumped in

Plastic bowl. Presentation,

One star; service: none.

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Am I in your way?

You seem to have it backwards:

This pillow's taken.

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Your mouth is moving;

Up and down, emitting noise.

I've lost interest.

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The dog wags his tail,

Seeking approval. See mine?

Different message.

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My brain: walnut-sized.

Yours: largest among primates.

Yet, who leaves for work?

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Most problems can be

Ignored. The more difficult

Ones can be slept through.

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My affection is

conditional. Don't stand up,

It's your lap I love.

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Cats can't steal the breath

Of children. But if my tail's

Pulled again, I'll learn.

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I don't mind being

Teased, any more than you mind

A skin graft or two.

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So you call this thing

Your "cat carrier." I call

These my "blades of death."

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Toy mice, dancing yarn

Meowing sounds. I am convinced:

You're an idiot.

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Editor's Note: I did not write these, so if the syllables are wrong, don't blame me.