Do it some other time!

My downstairs’ neighbor is getting on the last of my nerves.

I have lived in this apartment for almost two years. And for the last 20 months, it’s been a pretty quiet environment. Until my downstairs’ neighbor found himself a girlfriend.

Okay, it was funny the first time my friends and I heard a woman’s scream coming up from the floorboards of my bedroom, where we were watching “Birth” (btw, such a bad movie) with the volume on really high. It was even funnier to see my friend’s significant other with his ear glued to my bedroom floor hoping to hear more moans of pleasure. At the time, I thought “Great! He’s finally getting some.”

But then the sex continued. First it was just the weekend nights that I would hear their romping. Then it was every other night. No matter how loud I have the TV on, I could still hear them. I stomped around and jumped on my bed but that just seemed to encourage them. But nighttime romping didn’t bother me as much as it did when their romping interfered with MY SLEEP. They started having sex at the crack of dawn. Every fucking morning at 5am (no pun intended). Who needs an alarm clock when you’ve got your own porn sound effects coming from beneath your floorboards? Why don’t I tune them out, you ask? Because I am such a light sleeper, the itty bitty spider spinning a web in the corner will wake me up. Don’t believe me? Ask my BF: he’s had many unsuccessful attempts at sneaking out of bed because just a single breathe he takes makes me bolt upright in bed asking, “where you going?”

About three weeks ago, I thought the romps were over. The lovebirds downstairs were not making their usual love noises at 5am. No, this time she was throwing things at him while asking “Why won’t you marry me?” Let’s ignore the fact that they were arguing at 5 in the morning and take a moment to reflect upon the fact that they were only sleeping together for the last 3 months. WHO WANTS TO GET MARRIED AFTER THREE MONTHS??? Anyhow, these arguments lasted a couple of more days and I was so happy the porn show was finally over and I can resume sleeping past 5 am again.

This morning, at the butt crack of dawn, the fucking resumes at 5am. It is three hours until I have to show up at the hospital to check-in for surgery. Why are you people always horny at 5am on the dot? Do you set an alarm or something? Well, I know for a fact neither of you leave the apartment before 7, so how about you set your romping for 6:30 when I get up and I’ll be in the shower?

CAN’T I SOME SLEEP, PLEASE?