How to get a free dessert

Step 1: Order the "Classic Cheeseburger" cooked MEDIUM WELL.

Step 2: Sit back, munch on potato skins and converse with your fellow dinner guests while waiting for your order to arrive at the table.

Step 3: When the waiter drops off your Classic Cheeseburger at your table, grab the burger with both hands and take two big bites. Chew. Wrinkle your eyebrows. Take a look at the remaining burger in your hand and raise an eyebrow while asking your friends, "Does this look like medium well to you?" Listen to each friend's shocking reply:

"That is NOT medium well."

"That looks rare."

"Really rare."

"Eww. That burger is still mooing."

"Did they even cook that?"

Step 4: Flag down waiter and show him the bleeding piece of burger. Look at the shock on waiter's face as he takes away your burger and promises you a new one.

Step 5: Look at your friends enjoying their dinner while you sit and wait for your new burger, but also thinking that you just swallowed raw meat and could possibly contract mad cow disease.

Step 6: Be surprised when the restaurant manager comes out and personally apologizes for the bleeding/mooing burger and again promises you a fully cooked burger is on its way.

Step 7: Pick off fries and chicken tenders off your friends plate while waiting for your replacement burger.

Step 8: Exclaim that you're too full to eat the new burger when the manager finally delivers the replacement burger. But take a bite of it anyway to make sure that the meat isn't mooing. Happily show everyone the burger that it is not red inside.

Step 9: Be extra surprised when the manager keeps coming back to check your happiness scale on the replacement burger. Be even more in shock when manager offers to give the table a free dessert. Browse the dessert menu and pick the most expensive one, then wait for the manager to deliver your free dessert.

Step 10: Be prepared to binge and purge after joining in with your four other friends in trying to conquer the massive "Brownie Finale" (6x6 inch block of brownie with tons of ice cream and whip cream piled on top). But also be disappointed at the same time that five full grown adults with healthy appetities could not finish the brownie madness.

Step 11: Drive home and fall into a food coma as soon as your head hits a soft spot on the friend's sofa.



Editor's Note: No, I did not eat the mooing burger. I just witnessed this event. For those of you who know me, I rarely eat hamburgers and when I do, they have to be nuked all the way through. I did, however, try really really hard to eat all of the brownie dessert but had to throw in the towel with half the giant brownie on the plate.